[Man Singing]
[Clapping To Beat]
[Man Continues Singing]
[Ends]
[Man on TV] Frankenstein!
Bring him down to the village, and let's make it home
- [Dogs Barking] -[Man Screaming]
[Boy Narrating] I thought I knew all about monsters,
I used to watch them late at night on Dad's TV show
After we moved to Oakland, he stopped doing kids' shows, because he was different now
Everything was different
Now he was Al Gory, monster of ceremonies at Midnight Shriek
[Otherworldly Voice] Oh, Al?
What? Oh, it's you again
So, anyway, before we dig in to our secoud feature...
I have to pay a visit to my aging mother
[Cackles]
She would've wanted me to have this
[Boy Narrating] It was on real late, way past my bedtime
Dad didn't let me stay up to see it, so I used to wait for Mrs. Sampson to fall asleep...
[Man] Hold it. Hold it. I think that was a good one
and sneak into his bedroom to watch
- [Electronic Warbling] - [Man Yelling, Indistinct]
But then I'd get scared, alone in his room at night...
and I wouldn't know why
I didn't know yet what I was going to learn that year:
that monsters are real
Whoa
[Boy Narrating] We had sort of just picked up and left Syracuse...
crossing the country, finding a house...
the three of us taking care of all the grown-up stuff together
- Here. I'll get that. - [Doorbell Rings]
- Who is it? - I got that
Come on, Dylan
[Boy Narrating] I guess it could've been strange being in a new place
Can your dad come out and play?
But it didn't take long for Dad to become a celebrity among the kids on our block
When's the monster coming out?
[Scoffs]
There's no such thing as monsters. You all know that, don't you?
Monsters exist only in ourselves
They live in the darkest chambers of our hearts
They never actually come out into the world...
unless, of course, a metal light appears in the sky, but when's the last time you saw that?
So why don't we try and be adults about this and run along home, okay?
- Hey, what's that? - [Girl] Mr. Leary!
- What? - Look. Look
- [Boy] Look. - [Girl] There it is
- [Growling Softly] - [Kids Laughing, Screeching]
- [Screeching Continues] - [Growling Loudly]
[Kids Yelping]
[Boy Narrating] He was always a madman for playing with kids
Mom used to say that was because he was really just a kid himself
Mr. Leary, what's this strange power you have over our children?
I'm the perfect monster
[Growling, Cackling]
[Boy Narrating] And the house we found in Oakland was perfect for playing anything...
- especially the flashlight game. - [Chuckling]
Come on, Dylan. In the closet
[Boy Narrating] But it was different now, the way he played with us
- It was like he had to do it. - [Roaring]
After the heartbreak had happened, sometimes I wondered...
if Dad didn't need our games more than we did
[Woman Vocalizing]
- [Vocalizing Continues] - [Piano]
[Woman] Okay. Right. That's right. This is gonna be your bass note, okay?
Ready? [Singing]
Where's "C"? Right. Great
[Hums] Great. Now again
- [Hums] - Sorry, Mom
Right. [Continues Humming]
[Woman] Very, very nice, Jackie
- Hey, Jackie. - Hey
Mom??
[Jack Narrating] Mom died last winter
Dylan, don't wake Dad
[Jack Narrating] Dylan and I were still learning things you need to know...
when you move to a new house
Like in our case: Don't play in the backyard
[Barking Ferociously]
If you get caught in there, they eat you
[Barking Continues]
[Jack] Out front, there was a whole neighborhood to get to know
Split the difference, okay? Put the ball right there, okay?
[Jack] Like Mr. Festinger, who always yelled at his son Edward for being retarded
- Edward! - [Boy Yell]
Edward, what did I tell you about your eyes and the ball?
Never take your eyes off the ball
All right. You almost caught it. You almost caught that one. Come on. Let's go
[Jack Narrating] And Dexter, who lived next door
[Dexter] My mom might be sleeping
[Jack Narrating] His parents were really his grandparents...
because his real parents had split from each other and form him...
and probably from everything
- Guess what. We got company. - [Murmurs Softly]
Let's go to my room
[Jack Narrating] Of course, his grandparents weren't doing much better
Did I tell you he was a fighting Seabee?
[Jack] No one else on our street would let their kids play at the Mitchell's
- [Gun Winding] - Come on. Let's go
Them that are over there. That's them over there
See? Over there. Get 'em. Get 'em. Get 'em
Hey, Zombie. That's right. I'm talkin' to you
The Next time your dog defecated on my lawn, he's dead, pal
Goddamn son of a--
[Jack Narrating] And then there was Norman the Zombie...
who mangled one of his legs in a terrible accident as a teenager...
when he crashed his T-Bird into an ice cream truck
He'd fixed up the car and kept it on blocks in his driveway...
washing it every day
You know, inside that cane is a sword
- I've seen it. -And he attacked Mr. Festinger one night with a tree branch
Hit him right over the head with it
He also blinded his own dog with a rock
You ever look at it? Looks like a dead marble
- [Boy] Oh, God! - He's coming for us
Get down. Get down, Dig! Get down. Dig! Dig!!
Dig, he's comin'!
Is Norman gonna get us?
He's not gonna get us
He killed his parents. You ever seen 'em over there in a long time?
- I've never seen 'em. [Boy] You used to, walkin' around behind the curtains
I'm not going to go look. That's for sure
[Boy] Maybe we should
- [Woman] I'll get it. - No. I wanna do it myself
- Well, don't fall. - Okay, kids. Get to bed
- [Dylan] See? I can reach it. - Don't give Ms. Sampson a heart attack
- What's up, Jackie Bear? - Uh, nothin'
We're gonna have a lot of fun at the studio tomorrow
But as for now, it's off to work
Buyin' a new car doesn't have to give you a headache, not if you go to East Bay Dodge
Ah. My old friend, Psycho Ward Cleaver
Put that thing down, Psycho, and we'll go for a test drive
You know, Psycho, this beautiful Dodge Challenger is loaded
Air-conditioning. Power steering. Blood bucket seats. - Ooh!
[Snoring]
[Boy] Michael, wait up. Michael
Quiet. Quiet
Shh, Shh-shh
- What do we do now? - Let's go
- We got it? - Come on
- [Boys Giggling] - [Spraying]
What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
- Norman is gonna kill you. - Spray anywhere
- [Dog Growling] - [Boys Gasping]
- [Dog Barks] - [Door Creaks] - [Boys Yelping]
- [ Yelping Continues] - [Barking Continues]
[Panting]
- [Branches Cracking] - [Jack Muttering]
[Distant Barking]
[Barking Continues]
[Yelps]
Jackie, wake up. We gotta go downstairs
[Jack Narrating] He said he'd cut his foot investigating a noise...
outside his house
I couldn't figure out why he didn't tell Dad the rest
He must not have too many good friends if he had to come to us...
in his time of need
He has a sword in that cane
Really?
Yeah. And he attacked Mr. Festinger one night with a tree branch
Really?
Wonder why he didn't use his sword
[Sighs]
[Jack Narrating] I guess that's when it all started
I just didn't realize till later the trouble wasn't only with Norman
Uh-oh. Me spill
Who let this brat into my crypt?
Spaghetti Bolognese? Now, how do you expect me to clean up this mess?
This oughta do the trick
Don't move, Dylan. Hang in there, Okay. Cut
Camera one, lock it off. All right. You can move now
- Peggy, take his clothes off. - Come here
- Hi, Peggy. Here you go, Jack. Hang onto that
One day you're gonna like the girls doin' this. Jack, don't you wanna be in the commercial?
[Chuckles] No way. I have friends that watch this show
- Give me the clothes, Peggy. Put 'em right here. - Yep
- John, can I see you for a second? - Now, Gordon?
Right now. Do you mind?
All right. Well, let's take five
What? What? You canceling the show?!
No, no. I love the show. I love the commercials. I love everything
- You gonna give me more bread? - Look,
I've been fightin' as hard as I can for you, but they're pinnin' me to the mat
It seems they have a problem with your Psycho Ward Cleaver character
They think he's in bad taste
- Why? Because he has multiple head wounds? - Who knows?
So just think of another character
Is this a suggestion or a nonnegotiable demand?
It's a-- It's just a phone call
- They make a phone call, and you roll over. - Don't worry
Your dad can always calm Gordon down
- You're layin' down on me. - Course I am
What? These people say "Shit," and you say, "What color?"
All right. Give me the jug. Peggy, run out and round up a bucket of dog vomit
We'll throw it on the rug. All right. Come on.
[Jack Narrating] Mom always said Dad bristled when he got mad
And some people made him madder than others
[Dylan] Grandma! Grandma!
- Grandma! Grandma! - [Woman Chuckling] Hi. Ooh, look at him!
[Jack Narrating] Maybe that's where the trouble really came from
- Look who's here. - [Grandmother] Oh, my goodness golly
- Ooh-ooh-ooh! - [Grandfather Laughing]
- Hi. - Come on
How are you? Hi, John
- Whoa. Look at that! - Hey. For you
[Jack Narrating] Long ago in Hollywood, Mom's parents
were put on a blacklist they kept for Communists
Though no one ever proved they carried the cards, which is the way you could tell
- Lincoln Steffens. Thank you, Grandma. - You're welcome
A great man, Jack
Someone stays with you and your brother while your dad's at work?
- Mrs. Sampson. - Uh-huh
- An older woman? - Uh-huh
[Jack Narrating] I could tell he was tryin' to get me to rat on Dad...
the way his friends ratted on him long ago
Fishing with red bait for something he could hold against Dad to his grave
Is he laying off the sauce?
Uh-huh
[Exhaled] You know, it doesn't make things better, John-- only worse
Couldn't resist, could you, Syd?
Tsk
- Didn't help your marriage much. - Sydney
- Is this why you came here? - No. I came to see my grandchildren
Then what are you doin' talkin' to me?
[Sydney] You leave the children with strangers
What's even worse-- on their own
[John] I pay a responsible woman to look aftre them
- What the hell else do you want me to do? - Don't use that tone
- You're talking about your own children's welfare, for God's sakes. - John
- [Grandmother] John, listen. We all want the same thing. - I'm not gonna discuss this
[Sydney] Fine. You keep drinking you lose this job like you lost the other...
and we'll go to court and take those kids
Tell you what, Syd: over my dead body. How's that?
That's when you can have my boys
[Jack Narrating] They left that night
- [Jackhammer Pounding] - [Men Shouting]
[Kids Laughing]
Dad? Aren't you gonna take Dylan to school?
It's Dylan's first day
Dylan, let's go!
- What are you doing? - My shoes
- [Dylan Giggling] - Dylan
- [Continuse Giggling] - Dylan! Do you want the dogs?!
[Sighs]
I want Daddy
- Daddy's asleep. - I want Daddy take me to school
Daddy! Daddy!
[Dog Barks]
[Man] Come on. Come on. We live around here
[Men Chattering]
[Kids Chattering, Laghing]
I want Daddy. Where's Mommy?
"Where's Mommy?" Listen, Dylan
- You have to go in there, okay? - No
They'll be nice. You havve to. You have to go
Okay? Come on. I'll pick you up later
Now, go. You have to go
Go
Japanese poetry is a drama. It's about life and death
- It's-- - Um, sorry I'm late. I had to--
It's okay, Have a seat
That's right. No desks. Join us
- You have a desk. - Table
- Wanna sit at it? - No, sir
- No "sir" either. - [Child Giggles]
The name's Vince
Hi, Jack
I know about your mom
So. We have a lot of things for each of you to try
Besides the electrical experiments and the herb garden...
there's a "learning to communicate your feelings" workshop I'll be teaching
[Jackhammer Pounding]
Oh, Jesus!
Ohh
[Woman] That's very nice
There you go. Hold onto my hand
[Kids Laughing, Chattering]
[Boy] Throw your ball. Throw your ball
Throw you ball!
- Can I help you? - Yeah
Actually, uh, I was supposed to drop off my son today
I was detained, and, uh, I just came by to see if he was okay
- How old is he? - He's three. It's his first day
[Woman #2] Okay. Take it easy
[Woman] If he's doing all right, maybe you should let him be
- It might be harder if he sees you. - [Sighs]
He's a good kid
I'm gonna go
[Men Chattering, Shouting]
[Sirens Wailing]
[Chattering]
[Man] Get back in here
- Is there a fire? - No
It's that lady in there. The kid came home and found her
She's barely alive. There must be a square yard of pill bottles in that place
- Dexter, is your mom sick? - No
She's just not moving
[Woman Screaming]
[Screaming Contines]
[Jack] I knew right away, when I saw Dexter coming home from school with his lunch pail
He looked like an angel or a girl...
his face all soft and rosy and sweet
My mom's dead
Did you hear about Dexter's mom?
Yeah
- [Dylan Giggling] - Dylan, no! Dylan
You wearin' those to school or what?
[Jack Narrating] The weeks went by, and fall came...
with cold mornings, like in Syracuse
Things had started to change. There was even a girl at school who started talking to me
Hi, Jack
Hi, Karen
[Jack Narrating] She was what my dad called "a long drink of water"
I wanted to tell you that I really liked what you wrote for the poets' corner
- I thought it showed great sensitivity. - [Man Singing]
- It did? - Yeah
Thanks
[Jack Narrating] I figured I was really lame, because i knew...
there was something I should do about the situation, and I didn't know what it was
[Man Continues Singing]
Would you like to come to my house for some Hungarian goulash...
Friday night at about 6:30 p.m.?
Sure
Oh
Great - [Ends]
- Yes! She said yes! - [John On Phone] All right
- So i told her goulash. - Great. I'll make my famous goulash
- Really? - Of course
Maybe we should invite somebody, so it's not just her surrounded by three men. What do you think?
- Who? - I don't know. Maybe Peggy
[Jack Narrating] I know it was stupid, but I found myself wishing...
Mom could somehow fly back into the world
It's up to you, Jack. Whatever you want
- Yeah. No. That'd be great. - Great. This is great
- [Jack] Should I button it? - We're casual tonight, right?
- So you're saying I shouldn't button it? - It looks good like that
- Only you need a sweater. It's raining. - I don't have any sweaters!
- What time is it? - You got plenty of sweaters
- Dad, I have to leave. - Relax. Try on a sweater
- Nothing goes! - This goes
[Screeches] I have to get out of here. I'm taking this.
- That's good. It's clear. It doesn't clash. - I'm going, okay? Good-bye
Don't you want me to iron that for you? Aren't you interested in what I'm gonna wear?
- [Stereo: Rock] - What am I gonna wear?
[Thunderclap]
[Stereo: Classical]
- Would you like a V8 juice? - V8 juice? Sure
- You must be Jack. - You must be Mrs. Morris
- Karen should be right down. - Okay
[Jack Narrating] I was afraid they were gonna ask about my family...
and I'd have to tell them about Mom
- [Approaching Footsteps] - There you go, Jack
Thank you
[Jack Narrating] And then they'd have to say, "We're sorry to hear about that"
And then I'd have to say, "That's all right. You didn't know"
And then there'd be that awful silence where there'd be nothing else to say
- So, Jack, tell us about your-- - [Karen] Hi, Jack
Hi
[Crickets Chirping]
- What happened here? - Nobody knows
They just showed up one day
- [Stereo: Big Band] - [John Humming To Beat]
Hi, Dad. This is Karen
- Oh, how are you, Karen? - Hi, Mr. Leary
It's very nice to meet you, Karen
Peggy Etinger, this is my son Jack Leary and his friend Karen Morris
- [Both] Hi. - Karen, this is my friend Peggy Etinger and my son Dylan
Dylan, this is your brother's friend Karen Morris, and your brother, who you know
Jack, this is your brother Dylan, who you know, and my friend Peggy Etinger
anybody know who's playin' in there? That's Glenn Miller
Okay. Here we go. It's time you kids learned classical music. Very nice
- Thank you, Peggy. - You're welcome
- [Continues]
[Macabre Voice] At last... the goulash you've all been waiting for
- I want my goulash! I want my goulash! - [Peggy] I'll serve
I'll do it. Thank you, mu dear. You may have your goulash
All right. You do-- [Mabre Voice] the goulash. I do the wine
- The goulash! - Great year for Welch's
- Tasty goulash. Eat that all up. - For you
- Excuse me. Pardon me. - So, Mr. Leary, Jack tells me you used to have a kid's show
He told you that, eh? [Gangster Voice] Thank you very much
- Miss Etinger, a little goulash? - [Jack] Come on, Dad
All right. You broke my arm
Hi, boys and girls. Are you here for kids' stuff?
Well, hold your horses and tie up your dragonflies...
because today we're gonna talk about colors!
Red, green, blue, orange, chartreuse!
[Jack Narraring] Dad was really on. - "Goulash, John?"
"Don't mind if I do-yash"
- [Jack] Heart. - [John] Heart. Yeah
Don't call clubs. Don't call clubs
Don't call clubs. Karen. Karen, look at my eyes. Look at me
Don't call clubs. Don't call clubs
- Don't call clubs. Don't call clubs. Don't call clubs. - Clubs!
Don't call clubs! Oh, clubs! Ohh
On, no. Clubs. She called clubs
No clubs
- That ain't a club. No. - [Jack Narrating] He was like an artist
Only what he was creating was the perfect evening
She called-- She called clubs
- She called clubs. - [Jack Narrating] And it was all for Karen and me
- In the closet. There's a secret passageway. - [John] Coming!
- Where are you? - Come on. Let's go
As we come-- Where are you?
[Macabre Voice] Are you in there? No?
Ha! Back off
- [Laughing] - Up the stairs we come
[Jack Narrating] Someday, if I ever get that far...
maybe I'll be able to do the same thing for my son
[John] Where the hell are those kids?
- [John] It was great meetin' you. I'm glad you came. - It's so nice to meet you
- All righy. - Nice to meet you
- It was nice to meet you too. - Bye
- See you later. Okay. - [Karen Laughs]
- [Jack] Good night, Dad. - Good night
- You want me to drive you? You want a ride? - No. Good night
Good night, Dad
I was being sincere. It really was a lovely evening
I hope there will be more
Do you wanna come in?
Well...
good night
Good night
[Man Singing]
[Whooping]
- [Continues] - [Jack Narrating] I don't know what it was-- maybe the rain--
but after that night, everything just started falling into place
[John] All right. We got 'em. We got 'em
[John] The Oakland A's made it to the Series, and we sat glued to the set for all seven games
- Two down. - Two down!
- [Announcer] And here we are-- - [Jack] Oh, no! It's Pete Rose, Dad!!
- [John] No sweat. No sweat. - [Jack Narrating] And on that last fly ball...
- [Jack] Come on! COme on! - we were on our feet, because we were champs
[Screaming]
- Whoa, yes! Yes! - Play ball!
- [All Screaming, Cheering] - Yes! Yes!
- [Cheering Continues] - [Rock]
- [Man Singing] - A's, A's, A's, A's, A's, A's, A's, A's!
- Whoo! - [Cheering]
A's, A's!
See, Jack? We bring luck wherever we go
A's, A's, A's, A's!
[Kids Shouting]
[Ends]
Whoa, Cookie Monster! Whoa, Cookie Monster!
One bag of cookies. One bag, One bag
- Daddy! - Okay. Okay. Let me--
[John As Monste] I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: My tongue grows
So from time to time...
I have to nip a little off...
like this. [Grunts]
Ah. Blech!
[Lisping] There. That's much better, don't you think?
[Giggles]
[Dylan Grunting]
[John Sighs]
- [Kids Screaming] - [Man singing]
[Dexter] Jack!
Jack!
[Man Continues Singing]
[Ends]
[Kids Screaming]
[Truncated Scream]
Hey, Dexter
You like television?
[Jack Narrating] Dad always went all out for Halloween
But later that night, he went too far
- [Door Rattling] - [John] Come on, Jackie. Open the door
What are you tryin' to tell me? You're too old to run aroound in a costume?
- How do you think that makes me feel? - So don't wear one then
- No one's making you. - I like wearing one
- Well, good. - Jackie, come on. It's Halloween
You can wear a costume and still be dignified. Look at me
[Knocking]
[Sighs]
- Trick ot treat. - [Lisping] Trick or treat
All right, Mr. Adult. The candy cauldron's right here by the door
If you run out, there's more in the cupboard by the fridge
If you run out of that, there's always the change jar
Okay, Charles. Let's go and leave your brother to reflect on his lost childhood
Here you go. Hold that bag
Come on now. Do not fall
- My little brother's a clown. - Where is he?
[Kids Chattering]
[Knocking]
Hi, Jack. Trick or treat
Hi, Katie. Hello, Edward
We saw your dad down the street. He's dressed like a big rabbit
- I know. - Well, bye
[Knocking]
Hi, Mike
- You recognize me? - Sure
Man, You're full of it. Your real-- Your recognize me??
- Bye, Michael. - What? Okay, okay. Wait
- What are you supposed to be? - Me?
- You - Myself
You're-- You're gettin' strange, man
[Line Ringing]
- [Man] Hello? - Hello, sir. It's Jack Leary. Is Karen there?
Uh, no, she's not here. She went to the party with her friends
- What party? - Big Halloween party
- Oh. - Want me to tell her you called?
- No. That's okay. - You sure?
- Thank you. - Okay
- [Knocking] - [Doorbell Ringing]
[Knocking Continues]
Trick or treat, Jack
Dexter, where'd you get the--
Thanks
How'd I do?
Wow. Huh?
Not a bad haul, considering I had to lug your brother halfway around the neighborhood
- Dad. - Jackie, where would Dexter get a Nazi uniform?
- Norman gave it to him. - He probably was dress as a bus driver
- Yeah, but, Dad, he went like this. - Don't do that in this house
What are we gonna do about it?
- [Doorbell Ring] - That's Mrs. Sampson
Dad
[Sighs] How you doin', Norman?
What? Are you out trick-or-treatin'?
No. I'm taking this opportunity to collect contributions...
for state assembly candidate Elder MacIntyre
Mr. MacIntyre is a former law enforcement officer
I know who he is
Because...
I grew up on this street
- [John] Excuse me? - When I was a kid, you didn't see them around
- They kept their distance. - "They"??
The niggers and the Jews
Ohh. "They"
Mr. MacIntyre can help us...
but he needs our help
- [Grunting] - Anything you could spare would be greatly appreciated
Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love seein' their costumes
- What did you go as? - A bunny
Well, all right. Excuse me, sir
- Mrs. Sampson. - Hi, Jackie
[Jack] Hi, Mrs. Sampson
As one white man to another
I moved across the street from a goddamned nazi
Oh, my God! "Niggers and Jews"
Excuse me, Mrs Sampson
- You're not Jewish, are you? - No. I'm a Jehovah's Witness
- Sorry about this, Mrs. Sampson. - Don't worry, honey
Nothing you can do about it
[Sighs]
Elder MacIntyre
[Scoffs]
[Man On TV] Milltown--
[Jack Narrating] Dad showed Invasion of the Body Snatchers that night, his favorite movie
He said it was really about all the stupid peiple who worried that Communists...
were gonna take over the country
And all the towns around us. It's a malignant disease spreading through the country
[Static]
I don't wanna alarm you...
but check out what this movie is really about
Pods from outer space?
[Chuckles]
Some small town called Santa Rita?
This is your town
[Jack Narrating] He was drunk, not pretending
I could tell by his half-closed eyes and the slow way he moved
Look again at that man across the street, watering his lawn...
- Go to two. - [Man] Two's off the set
or that woman climbing out of her Pontiac...
[Objects Clattering]
carrying her grocery bags
- How big is that nose? - Dad, don't do this
Who are these people moving in?
Niggers?
Jews? Commie bastards?
Shit
You turn around, and one day, there they are
If you don't wanna think about it, don't...
but if you're smart...
- Oh, my God. - you'll join me...
and candidate...
for assembly Elder MacIntyre--
- Cut him off. - Anything you can spare...
- Cut him off now. - will be greatly appreciated
Thank you for your kind attention
Sieg heil
Get ready to send them out
[Jack Narrating] He was really big up close
I knew it was wrong, but I thought of dragging him over to Festinger's lawn
I figured I'd leave a trail...
or someone coming out of their house to get their paper...
would look over and see me.
If I could do it all over again, I would've rolled him there if I had to
Absolutely
- Dad. - [Groans]
Where was I?
Dad?
Martini, like Daddy
[Siren Wailing]
[Jack Narrating] The vet said poison, and we were the prime suspects
No matter where Cheyenne was poisoned, stumbling around, coughing his guts out...
it was our front yard he finally crashed on
[Chattering]
- What the heck do you want me to do, Jackie? - Tell him we didn't do it
- He doesn't think we did it. - Dad, after last night?
[Sighs]
[Dog Barking]
[Barking Continuse]
Uh, Norman, hi
Uh... I came over here to apologize to you
I did a very mean-spirited thing on my show last night
I don't know if you saw it
I was drunk. I know that's no excuse
I don't know what you're talking about
I didn't kill your dog, Norman
I'm sorry that somebody did
I didn't poison your dog, Norman
If you knew me better, you'd know it's not my style
I'd have shot him
[John As Monster] For those of you whose brains are't totally withered...
here's a startling demonstration
My old friend Psycho Ward Cleaver will do the honors
Take 'em away, Psycho
- Not enough blood. - That's plenty
Hey, I finally found The Beast with a Milion Eyes
Ooh. We'll put it on Friday night with Mr. Sardonicus
- Okay. - [Gordon] John
John?
- [Whispering] I think you need some time off. - What?
You need a break. Last night was too much, John
- Do get to decide how long a break I need? - No
So you're firing me? Is that what you're saying? You're firing me?
- Don't press it, John. - Well, I wanna press it. I think I should press it
- I'll take a week off. - [Cabinet Slams]
[Rod Clanks]
[Man Singing]
What turned your motor on?
Look, Jack. I think it would be best if we began seeing other people
I mean, we can still be friends
I'm just too young to tie myself to one guy, Jack
Where did you hear this? On television?
It's just the way I feel
[Vocalizing]
[Singing Resumes]
[Vocalizing Resumes]
[Jack Narrating] I didn't know why Dad stopped going to work
I asked him if he was looking for a new job, and he wouldn't even talk about it
[Barking Like Seal]
It wasn't like he had changed in any way
- [Barking Continues] - I don't know. Maybe we were just growing apart
[Ends]
- So what's the story? - No story
Did you see any other fathers acting like seals?
- Somebody had to do it. - Could you ever just stop for, like, one minute?
[Foghoen Blowing, Distant]
I need to know if you plan on being Bozo the Clown your whole life
[Snickers]
Listen to this. Who's the father and who's the son here?
I don't know
- Open the goddamn door, Dylan. - [Dylan] It's locked
I know it's locked. You locked it. Now unlock it
- I don't know how. - Then turn off the goddamn water
- I don't know how. - Turn those goddamn knobs
- I don't know how. - Goddamn it!!
[Screeches]
Goddamn it!
- I said, come on! - No!
- No! - [Dogs Barking]
No, Jack. No! No!
- No, Jack! Please, no! - [Barking Intensifies]
- [Barking Continues] - [Dylan Crying]
Now, you stay there! Stay there!
Jack! [Crying]
Thank you, Jack
[Jack Narrating] I was beginning to wonder if the awful reprisals...
we expected from Norman weren't coming instead from ourselves...
from the darkest chambers, as Dad said, of our hearts
- [TV Theme] - I'll pay you a nickel to watch my brother a while
[Dexter] Uh-huh
[Man Speaking On TV, Indistinct]
[Singsong] Jack the Bear had real long hair
Takes some steps Ain't gettin' nowhere, Jack the Bear
Jack the Bear! Yes! He is Jack--
[All] Surprise! Happy birthday! :)
[John] Whoa, whoa, whoa
Hey, Jackie. What's the matter? Humm?
- They all saw me singsing. - So?
- Well, they're laughing about it. - Oh, no, they aren't
They're laughing because they're at a party. They're happy
- [Chuckles] Jackie Bear. - Don't touch me
Get out of my room
Get out of my room now! Get out!
[Doorbell Ringing]
[Knocking]
[Knocking Continues]
[Doorknob Rattling]
- Where's Dylan? - He's gone
Where?
- Where? - There, in the street.
My brother doesn't go in the street
Look, man, my brother is my responsibility. Now, where the hell is he?
Does this mean I don't get to keep the nickel?
You want to die? Talk! Talk! Talk!
- Norman. - Norman what? Norman what?
- Come on! Tell me now! - He took him in a car
Norman's car's right there, idiot!
It doesn't even have a motor!
Hey!
[Grunting]
-What car? - Another car. A white car
You're supposed to be watching him!
He's your brother. Please get off of me
- I'll get off you if you swear that you won't run away. - I swear!
- I'll kill you if you run away! - I swear
Hey!
Ow! [Grunting]
Where's my brother?
I need the police. It's an emergency
I need them to come to my house right now
[Jack Narrating] It was like a dream...
where your legs keep moving, but you can't get anywhere
I knew I should be finding him, but I didn't know where...
or who to ask, or what to do
- What's the trouble, Jack? - Norman kidnapped my brother
Dexter saw it, but he wouldn't tell me what happened
What? Hey, Dexter!
Get over here!
Get over here
- Tell me, boy, or I'll whale you! - Ow!
Hey, Mitchell, what the hell are you doing?
- None of your business. Shut up! - Don't tell me to shut up
I'll put your head through the window of that ugly camper. Don't tell me to shut up
- It's none of your business! - Anything that happens on this block is my business!
- What're you hittin' the kid for? - You got your nose in everybody's business
- This is my family. - What the hell's going on here?
- [Festinger] Leave the kid alone. - My brother was kidnapped!
Are you the person who called?
- I was in the house, and he's supposed to be watching him. - Tell him what you saw!
- He was kidnapped by Norman Strick. - There's the father
[Jack] White car
Sir?
I'm sorry to have to tell you, but we believe one of your sons has been kidnapped
[Festinger] Norman Strick, that son of a bitch, took Dylan away in a car
[Mitchell] Dexter, tell him what Norman did
[Policeman] I just need some information from you, sir
We'll start the search-- Sir?
Look, who is this man who took him away?
His name is Norman Strick
He lives right over there
[Police Radio: Woman, Indistinct]
How are you doin', son?
[Jack Narrating] It was getting to be his bedtime
All I could think was that Norman was just gonna pull up any secound with Dylan...
just pull up outside with an ice cream cone
No!
[Jack Narrating] Mr. Festinger thought he'd died and gone to heaven
He threatened me once with a tree branch
The man belongs in an institution. I think he's a nazi
[Narrating] He was the real poisoner of Cheyenne
Why didn't Norman steal Edward?
[Man] Ten seconds, John
Nine, eight, seven, six...
five, four--
John, you're on
Yesterday at 5:00p.m....
my son...
was taken by this man
His name is Norman Strick
He's in his late 20s
Walks with a cane
[Sighs] He was--
He took him in a white car
My name is Detective John Marker with the Oakland Police Department
We're asking your help in locating this missing child
His name is Dylan Leary. He's three and a half years old
Dad?
We're at a crossroads
Can you feel it?
It's dark down there...
and there are things nobody...
wants to meet in the dark
Whether we'll come out on the other side...
hating everything...
and everybody--
- I don't know. - [Thunderclap]
[John's Voice] The same argument over and over and over again!
- It's like a broken record! - I feel like I'm raising three children and not two
I'm a child, is that it? I don't provide for this family?
- I don't bring my money home? - You're not listening to me!
I don't give you a good life here? Huh? What are you taking about?
- I can't take it. - You can't take it anymore? Then get the hell out!
[Tires Screeching]
[Phone Ringing]
Hello
Yes, this is Mr. Leary
An accident?
Is she okay? Where is she?
Is she-- Is she okay?
Well, tell me if she's okay. Is she okay?
Tell me if my wife is okay? Is she okay?
[Shouting] Is she okay?
[Phone Ringing]
Jack! Jack! They found Dylan. He's alive
Excuse me! Excuse me. I'm looking for my son
He was lost, he was found, he's small
He's down that way to your right, Mr. Leary
[Monitor Beeping]
Buddy. Hi, buddy
Are we allowed to kiss him?
Yeah. Kiss him
[Jack Narrating] They found him in the woods by the Piedmont Reservoir
Not molested, the doctor said
Just abandoned, left to die in the mud by a creek
I, myself, would have died of terror...
alone in the woods, in the night, in the rain...
with monsters all around
Norman had disappeared off the face of the Earth...
- and Dylan had stopped talking... - [Beeping]
from the trauma, they said
After three days and still no words...
the doctors decided maybe he should come home...
where familiar objects might give him security
We're home
- Hi. - Hey, partner
Oh! Look at that
- Well, here I am. Where cookies? - Here are the cookies!
[John] Who's that? Is that Big Bird? No.
Who's that? Is that Cookie Monster? Me want cookie!
Is that Cookie, huh, Dylan?
[TV] And now observe as I--
I don't wanna call you Vince! I feel like you're a teacher if I call you Mr. Buccini!
You have every right to be upset, Jack
Then please just leave me alone, and stop persecuting me!
[Jack Narrating] I couldn't get back into the whole school thing
The place is a mental institution
But what I didn't understand is how could a person like me...
who's always been loved, hate so much?
John
- I'm so sorry, John. - Yeah
- Are you okay? - I'm okay
How's the baby?
Hi, sweetheart
You remember Grandma?
We've been sleeping together in here
It broke
[Grunts]
That oughta do it
Goddamn it. Goddamn it!
[Whimpering]
Dylan, I'm not mad at you, honey. I'm mad at the bed
- Don't make him afraid of his own bed, John. - Shut up!
[Whimpering]
Dylan. Come to Daddy
[Whining]
John!
John
Come on. That's not gonna solve anything
Where is he?
Where is your son?
- Where is he? - For God's sake, John!
They're responsible! They raised him! They're guilty!
Go out of here! He's gone away. He's gone somewhere else
Jackie
My heart's beginning to beat with the monster's heart
[Man Singing]
[Jack Narrating] Everything in L.A. was big and bright, except their house
It was small and dark, and Grandpa smelled like it...
or it smelled like him
[Man Continues Singing]
Now, tell me why you did that
- To get away from your bishop. - Ah, but look
You have to be on your guard every minute, Jack
The other guy always has a trick up his sleeve
Checkmate
[Man Continues Singing]
Tell me why you did that
- [Ends] - You don't know why?
You just moved without thinking?
Maybe you should let me win once
Let you win? Why? What would that accomplish?
I don't know
I'll teach you to win, Jack. I won't let you win
That would be wrong. You'd regret that later on
You know, what you moved into...
is called the Devil's Crossroads
I would take this piece, and you've got yourself blocked here--
Dad would let me win!
I'm sure he would
He wouldn't be obvious about it, but I'd probably know he was doing it
He'd make a big deal out of it
He'd protest the game. He'd yell and moan about it
He'd tell everyone he was robbed and demand a rematch
[Sighs] It would go on for days
Then I'd like to play chess...
and I would have learned the Devil's Crossroads because of him
I'm sorry, Elizabeth
Just tell me what I gotta do, Gordon
Just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it
You want to change the show, we'll change it. We'll make it a kiddie show
- No. - We'll make it light. We'll make it bright
- No. No! - Why not?
- We'll make it a talk show. - No!
- We'll show cartoons. - John, no.
- I'll make it a cooking show. - No!
- Why not? - Because I don't trust you, that's why
- You have to trust me. - Why?
Because I can't lose my kids
Can he pick up the ticket at the airport?
Yes, he's flown before
That's right. L-E-A-R-Y. One way
Dylan, I'm going to Dad
I'm gonna get him. I'm gonna come back for you, okay?
You'll be okay here while I'm gone
Okay?
- Thanks. - No problem
Dad!
[Orchestra: Dramatic]
- [Growling] - [Screaming]
[TV: Growling]
[Sustained Tone]
[Sighs]
[Tone Stops]
Shit
Dad?
- [Thudding] - [Gasps]
[Gasps]
[Tapping On Receiver Button]
[Whispering] Jack? You in there?
Jackie?
- Hmm? - [Whispering] Jack, you in there?
[Screams]
Home run, Jack
- [Whimpering] - Jack
- No, no! No! - I just want to talk to you
[Shouts]
[Grunting]
[Dogs Barking]
[Barking, Snarling]
Oh! No! [Screams]
[Grunting]
[Gasps]
Help! Somebody help!!
[Barking, Snarling Continue]
[Screams]
[Jack Whimpers]
Where are you going, Jack?
I just want to talk to you. Don't you want to talk to me?
- Get the fuck away from him now! - [Whining]
You touch my son, and I'll kill you! You hear me?
- Okay. - Dad! Daddy!
- Jackie! - [Crying]
Jack!
No! No! [Screaming]
[Barking, Snarling]
Jack
Better get this in writing
What am I doing? I don't know
[Jack Narrating] I kept wondering what Mom would say if she saw Dad...
cleaning up the house and trying to make things great for Dylan's homecoming...
but I didn't have much faith in what he could do anymore
[Sighs] Mmm
[Kisses] Mmm
And now we return to those kings of horror...
Abbott and Costello
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-- [Wheezing] Chick!
- Chick! - [Jack Narrating] Even though he was doing better...
- Chick! - it's just that I knew now...
there was more than one kind of monster in the world
- Hi, Mr. Leary. - Hey, Dylan. Come on.
- Hi. - When's the monster coming out?
There's no such things as monsters. You all know that
We know. They're only in our hearts
[Boy] They don't actually come out into the world
Not unless a metal light appears in the sky, right?
No, not even then
We'll think of a new game, okay?
Okay?
"Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away.
"So he said to his mother, 'I am running away.'
'If you run away,' said his mother--"
[Elizabeth's Voice] "Run away,' said his mother.
"'I will run after you for you are my little bunny.'
"'If you run after me,' said the little bunny...
"'I will become a rock...
"on the mountain high above you.'
"'If you become a rock on the mountain,' said his mother...
"'I'll become a mountain climber and climb to where you are.'
- [Piano Continues] - "'If you become a mountain climber and climb to me'...
"said the little bunny...
"'I will be a bird...
"and fly away from you.'
"'If you become a bird and fly away from me'...
"said his mother...
'I will be a tree that you can come home to.'"
What's the name of that song, Dylan?
She sang it to us every night
Don't you remember?
Tell me the name of Mommy's favorite song, Dylan
[John] He doesn't remember, Jack
It was too long ago. He was too little
[Sighs]
- I miss Mommy. - I know
I miss her so much
Me too
And I don't know what's gonna happen to us
- We're gonna be all right. - No, we're not!
Nothing's all right!
Then we're gonna make it all right
[Whimpers, Sobs]
Shh, shh, shh
Shh. Daddy's here. Daddy's here
[Jack Sobbing]
Shh, shh
Cry for your mother, Jackie
Cry for her
Jack the Bear?
[Sobbing] Dylan. Dylan
Say it again. What did you say? Say it again
- Say it again. - [Whispering] Jack the Bear
Jack the Bear
[Chattering, Indistinct]